University of York Badminton Club

One of University of York's biggest sports society!


Keep ’em coming. Let a committee member know of anything you hear!:

“You’re going to mop it up like a bra” Piers W (20/06/13)

“When I sweat, I get the f**king raging boner of doom” David H (20/06/13)

“I’d play with myself for you any day” Baillie W (19/06/13)
“Do I have one crotch/groin or two?” (paraphrased) David Hamilton (2013-05-27)
“Well that was a good session of mintonbading. I can’t exactly call what I do badminton!” Sam B (2013-05-22)
”My priority is always the D (with no context)” Olly G (20/05/13)
“How do you get involved with working for Babestation?” Rachael F (12/05/13)

“If there were 100 people in the room… And Rachael…” Meredith D

“I might be topless in the stick figure” Alison C
“They’re not even real pterodactyls!” Jenny L
“David bent me over… And then I was pregnant!” Olly G
“A good bit of porn goes a long long way” Alex P
“I’m going to fill my gay desires with malibu and pineapple juice” Alex P
“I shouldn’t have tried to put it somewhere it wouldn’t go” David H
“I enjoyed the dismount” Rachael F
“I rammed it in and something ripped!” Alex
Everyone wants to see the Meredith show!” Meredith
I don’t get it! Who wants to suck someone else’s flesh?” Meredith
I’m your entertainment for the journey. I hope you enjoy me” Leah C
“I squirted Olly in the face, then he tried to squirt me back, but it wouldn’t work…” David Hamilton (2013-04-26)

“I bite the toes and then lick the ring” Cass Brown (2013-03-13) (its about monster munch… we hope)

“Tactically, I think we should try to be less sh*t” John McLean (2013-03-13)

“I just casually wet myself” Johnny Tam (2013-03-13)

“I would ID her on mental age” Meredith Daniel (2013-03-10)

“I will fork you. No spooning, only forking” Meredith Daniel (2013-03-10)

“I have to finger selectively” (because) “I don’t like the flappy skin bits” (on how to eat KFC) David Hamilton (2013-03-06)

“I’m writing an essay on how children learn to read” Lucy Rodgers

“Hit them until they learn!”  Baillie Watterson (2013-02-17)
“Your net kills make me want to kill your family” David Hamilton (2013-02-06)

Oh my God! I’m dripping everywhere!”
Olly Griffin (2013-02-04)
“It’s like a chihuahua chewing bollocks…”  David Hamilton (2013-02-04)
“What can I say? The smell of clingfilm gets me off!”  Alex (2013-02-04)
“And then you would lick it off his head!” “Sounds like a good deal to me!” David H and Alex (2013-02-04)
“If you had to choose, would you have sex with the top half or the bottom half?” “Are they still alive?” Meredith and Alex (2013-02-04)
“It f***ing hurt! It better have gone deep…” Clare Strange (2013-02-03)
“Meet the most aggressive pawn ever!” Andrew Grange (2013-01-29)
“Touch wood! (taps Ste’s head) Actually, you’re much cleverer than most people here… (touches Dani’s head instead)” Cass Brown (2013-01-24)
“I’ve got it all over my face!” “All over your face?! It’s all over MY face!” Cass Brown and Alex (2013-01-24)
“I want to put my semen in a UV-visible machine.” David Hamilton (2013-01-24)
“Don’t worry. There are worse things on my wristband. I get lonely” Jamie Fulton (as Cass spills drink) (2013-01-24)“This is my first social, I don’t want to do anything embarrassing and get remembered as “The guy that … in Leeds. It’s not my fault I’m f***ing sexy” Vini Cornwell (2013-01-24)

“I’m so excited I could pee” Cass Brown (2013-01-24)

“I don’t eat sausage very often” Tom Dainty (2013-01-23)

“Dylan, you tied it too tight… I can’t get it up” Jack Burgess (2013-01-16)

“That was like surprise sex! I didn’t see that coming.” Scott Edwards (2013-01-16)
“Have I got goo on my lip?” David Hamilton (2013-01-16)
“Ollie, what has happened to your face?!” Dylan Langford (2013-01-16)
“I’ve been with so many men that i know every aftershave… Thats hugo boss!” Cass Brown (2013-01-16)
“Do they have trees in the Middle East?” Helena Doyle (2012-12-21)
“you know I have a problem with textures… I find it really odd the first time they go in my mouth. Yep: that too!” Helena Doyle (2012-12-21)
At club when 2 people’s pegs were attached: “I find that dodgy. It’s like pegs having sex’ Alison Cannon (2012-12-04)
“Sometimes badminton’s as much fun as a funeral. The fun is crushed like a pathetic bug” Andrew Henderson (2012-12-4)

“They’re not really boobs!” Lucy Rodgers (2012-12-11)

“I wish your mum was single!” Mike Holmes to Mike Taylor (2012-12-11)

“Mine is!!” Heather Robertson (2012-12-11)

“Where on Earth are we?” Thomas Dainty, walking past the York Minster (2012-12-03)

“Any Britney will do” Thomas Dainty (2012-12-03)

“It looked like we had gone back to the 1920’s Victorian York”
Dani Farsiani (2012-12-03)

“I’m all wet now” Mike Holmes (2012-12-02)

“I swear that lick took me over the limit” Cass Brown (2012-12-02)

“My tits are up tonight”
Cass Brown (2012-12-02)

“Cass, stick your chest out” John McLean and his bowling tips (2012-11-27)

“I keep needing to fart just before I bowl, it really puts me off” Cass Brown (2012-11-27)

“Can you imagine if I’d knocked them over? I’d have gone spare!” Cass Brown (2012-11-27)

“I do actually like people”
Alex (2012-11-27)

“Lin Dan is amazing” “Who’s Linda?” “Linda will beat you  all”
Ammar Tahir (I think) and Charley Reynolds (2012-11-26)

“I just attract people. Nobody talks to me though”
Peter Townsend (2012-11-26)

“I put meat in it… I don’t think he liked it.”
Olly Griffin of Baillie Watterson (2012-11-19)

“We are all looking boss and George(-Henry-Baines) is licking my nipple”
Josh Cole (2012-11-18)

“I like my hat. It hugs my head” Dan Wynn (2012-11-18)

“Anne Summers is scary. Some of the things in there… It looks like if you put them inside you, you would die” Dan Wynn (2012-11-18)

“She hasn’t played with me in two days now. Instead she has been playing with David” Alex and Honeybun (2012-11-18)

“Control your game! You don’t just get cocks flying around” Heather Robertson to 5-a-siders (2012-11-17)

“I do know I’m beautiful”
John McLean (2012-11-14)

“That’s not how they “Do it like they do on the discovery channel”. Bend over!” Benoit Martelat (2012-11-14)

“Massive screaming orgasms are well unhealthy” “Well I’m going to have another one”
Jay Lee and David Gardner

“Let’s talk about yeast infections again, everybody loves them!”
Cass Brown (2012-11-14)

“Where exactly do you pour the cranberry juice?” Andy Henderson (2012-11-14)

“I’m sick of roads, they drive me insane” Cass Brown (2012-11-14)

“Now I’m not one to say boo to a goose… I’m very easy going” Tom Dainty (2012-11-14)

“You look good. Your swelling has gone down loads” Jake Bone (2012-11-14)

“Whose flacid penis is that flapping into my back. Oh, it’s George” Josh Cole (2012-11-14)

“I felt Ammar’s and it felt good” Olly Griffin (2012-11-14)

“Hi, I’m Maryanne… I like that name. I might get facial ache” Maryann Pinnington (2012-11-12)

“I was just blowing it.” “I should have came too at match point” (George Baines and Dylan Langford 2012-11-12)

“Oh my God Baillie, how big is that! It’s huge!” Piers Whipp (2012-11-05)

“I’m a BAAAAD sandwich!” George Baines (2012-10-31)

“Take it again, I was blinking in one eye” Blonnie Walsh (2012-10-31)

“If you rub against her, it’ll be pretty much frictionless” John Sinclair (2012-10-31)


“It’s like you’ve got a leg and you’ve got ferrets” Jamie Fulton talking to Meredith (2012-10-27)

“I don’t believe for a second there is not interchange of fluid” Meredith (2012-10-21)

“I don’t want that big a finger” (after being offered a biscuit) Piers Whipp (2012-10-17)

“When I finish my degree, I can still dig holes, but you cant practice Law.”
Meredith (2012-10-15)

“Well, when I finish my degree, I can marry rich and you will die alone.” Andrew Henderson (2012-10-15)
“Is Bernard Manning the guy who does the turkey stuff?” Andy Henderson (2012-10-14)
“I really felt it in my bum this morning” Cass Brown (2012-10-02)

“Piers assisted me in every way” John McLean (2012-10-09)
“Get out of my mouth!” Meredith (with the Stephen (the Boss) Hallett) (2012-07-10)”Where can I get something that I can put a sausage in?”

George Watkins (2012-06-29)

“I’ll trust people to distribute their own bits as appropriate”
Meredith (2012-06-29)

“George [Kyle]  is very long, isn’t he?”
John Sinclair, whilst staring at George (2012-06-29)

“Are you alright playing with three guys?” “Oh, i can take three guys!” … “How were your three guys?” “Fabulous.”
Rachael Farrington to Sarah Hopkinson (2012-06-14)
“When I touch you there it feels a bit gay. Are you OK with that?” Ian White, while waiting for a photo (2012-06-20)

“John, I’m FINE!!… John, don’t leave me!!!” 
Charlie Parker, attempting to walk around a road sign (2012-06-20)

“I will rub my crotch until it dries out” John Sinclair (2012-06-20)

“That alien is HOT!!! But I know she’s got tentacles…”  Helena Doyle (2012-06-12)

“The last thing you want when you are attacking someone is a hand job” Scott Edwards (2012-06-04)

“Did he actually thrust towards you?” Thomas Grainge (2012-06-04)

“I’ll take ALL the girls!” Baillie Watterson on why he should win Sportswoman of the Year (2012-06-03)
“You’re not wearing any underwear?” “No!”  Scot Edwards to Meredith (2012-06-03)
“It’s so hard being me!” John McLean, in any conversation you might have with him. Ever. (Since the Dawn of Time – The End of the Universe)
“You could kill someone with this” Cass Brown upon receiving her award for Roses pair of the year (2012-05-19)

“If I had my phone, I’d do you all”
Meredith (2012-05-17)
“Let’s play intercourse badminton!” Sam Geering (2012-05-16)
“Liam’s going to try and get it up for me” Andy Henderson (2012-05-09)

“I like it when it’s sticky”
Jonny Dyson (2012-05-09)
“I wanna play with men” Liam Boshell (2012-05-09)
“It’s like a little black dress; no matter how many times you lick it, it never gets boring!” Meredith (2012-03-16)
“I just like old men, okay?!” (angrily, referring to creepy old men in Reflex) Michael Taylor (2012-03-11)

“Charlie, I’m going to punch you in the face if you don’t get in a taxi!” Rachael Farrington (2012-02-27)

“Can’t sheep climb trees?” Helena Doyle (2012-02-27)

“Blow it to stop it coming”
Paddy Campbell (2012-02-27)

“Shluper…. Supherf…. Sluperfuous…. Sluferplous…..Super-flewus (and so on)”
Tom Dainty attempting to say Superfluous (2012-02-26)

“When we are playing, if your crotch is anywhere near, I’m going to poke it”
George-Henry Baines (2012-02-25)

“Congratulations Simon that’s a record. You lasted a whole 7 minutes”
I am not telling you who said it though… (2012-02-21)

“So… Is this your left hand?”
Paddy Campbell, a medical student (2012-02-20)

“No one’s getting in MY door!” Michael Taylor (2012-02-13)

“A panda. It’s basically a penguin with arms.” Liam Boshell (2012-02-16)”Camels are basically giant water balloons, right?”Rachael Farrington (2012-02-23)

“I poked too hard.”
Tom Grainge, along with a limitless supply of balloon initiated utterings (2012-02-16)”Finally, I understand!” (“Understand what?”) “Spooning!”

Jonny Tait, after staring in deep contemplation at a pair of spoons 2012-02-09

Simon Pierce, oddly not on the ballons social 2012-02-09″Preferentially, I chose to swallow.”

Sam Geering 2012-01-30“In the passageway, out the passageway.” Simon Pierce 2012-01-15

“I never thought I’d say this, but stop blowing me!” Simon Pierce 2012-01-15

“Where the bitches at?” Mike Taylor (aka Nice Mike) 2012-01-15

“I was FINE! I just had a craving for Sam’s leg” Chin Tang 2012-01-15

“If you were a girl I would go out with you. I’d be like, John …(pause).” “Did you just lick me?” Chin Tang and John Sinclair 2012-01-15

“I’m just a lush blob of sex appeal” – Simon Pierce 2011-12-16 (also quotesworthy? “Don’t worry Simon, nobody will bother putting anything you’ve said on the quotes board…”)

Put it in my mouth. NOW!” – Sam Teasdale 2011-12-04

Sam and Liam, I need to go home with you” – Ayesha 2011-12-04

Put two of us together and we just multiply” – Ayesha, talking about Indians 2011-11-21

I need a man to keep me straight” – Alice Garcia-Melgares 2011-10-20

Right, shall we toss off?” – Sam Teasdale 2011-06-23

“I feel like a pigeon, not just any pigeon but a really really good pigeon.” – Jinglun Tang 2011-04-28
“You look like an alcoholic. What, that’s a compliment right?.” – Cass Brown 2011-04-28
“Willow is so amazing it should stay open for another 10 minutes.” – Cass Brown 2011-04-28
“Maybe you should wax your face you alcoholic.” – Cass Brown 2011-04-28
“I don’t know if I’m straight or not.” – Dan Hirst 2011-04-25
“I thought i didn’t need the toilet but then I looked at myself and I was drenched.” – Jinglun Tang 2011-03-10

“The doing it is always the best bit.” – Rob Wood 2011-02-07

“I don’t mind if I start in here, but I wanna finish in there.” – Chris Jamison 2011-02-07

“Cass Brown, court 4.”
“I need another man.” – Rachel Barratt 2011-01-23
“I actually hurt my hand pulling you.” – Alice Garcia 2011-01-19
“My skin feels really tight.” – Dan Hirst 2011-01-19
“I couldn’t stop looking at your broccoli” – Sam Teasdale 2011-01-19
“What did you have?” – Waitress at the Derrymore 2011-01-19
“The quadruple burger.” – Dan Hirst 2011-01-19
“Oh, so not even the mixed grill then.” – Waitress at the Derrymore 2011-01-19

“Oh just f’ off (at chips)” – Dan Hirst 2011-01-19

“You should try being between Dan Hirst’s legs” – John Sinclair 2010-12-13

“I was so excited, there were other brown people here today.” – anon 2010-12-05
“He (Johnny Leonov) needs a hair cut, he looks like a pale version of me.” – Ayesha Karimi 2010-12-05
“It will be romantic, we’ll be so wet and horrible.” – Rachel Barratt 2010-11-29
“I’ve had so much pumping and probing this term” – Jenny Eyes 2010-11-23

“I’m nearly as long as you but not as wide.” – Dan Hirst 2010-11-15
“I’ve spoken to A LOT of girls recently.” – Tsz-Chiu Tang 2010-11-15
“I think Johns is bigger.” – Thomas Grainge 2010-11-15
“Wo, duuuude!” – David Hurst 2010-11-15
“I like the freshers this year, they seem up for everything.” – Lizzie Dearden 2010-11-09
“All these old people, I wonder what happens to these clubs, because they don’t have another generation coming in after them” – Dan Hirst 2010-11-07

“The winter” – John Sinclair 2010-11-07

“I would fancy cocking off at 1am…” – Jenny Eyes 2010-11-07

“Don’t pop it, you’ll make me scream.” – Jenny Eyes 2010-10-30

“I don’t do randomers.” – Rachel Barratt 2010-06-10

“Don’t you get a second serve in badminton?” – anon 2010-05-23

“Brilliant shot. Out in a BUCs match though.” – James Somerside n/a

“Look at all my chest hairs! I only had three before the summer and now I’m like a gorilla.” (n.b Andy has 7 chest hairs) – Andy Robert 2009-10-19“Doyle can you flash me” – Laura Rutter 2009-06-15

“So Ben and Emma, have you hooked up with Lizzie yet?” – Andy Robert 2009-05-25

“I am so f’ing HOT” – Rory Muse 2009-05-25

“I won all my games 21-0! In fact everyone did! OK so they didnt show up… but it still counts dammit!” – Tom Nissen 2008-12-10

“You always make me choke Tom!” – Jessica Grundy 2008-11-20

“So Jess, are you available?” – Lucy Wallington 2008-10-15

“I think Taylor is having far too much fun writing the minutes. He is showing me up from last year.” – Warrior 2008-06-11

“When you make mushy peas you mush them to remove their…their…peaness!” – Laura Rutter 2008-05-21

“Deloitte! Do they sell shuttles?” – Chris Marriott 2008-05-14

“I can rub myself off here, can’t I? *Pause* That was very satisfying!” – Tom Nissen 2008-03-01

“Oh yeah I’ve heard of Descarte, he was a philosophist!” – Jessica Grundy 2008-02-26“So how did they make her pregnant?” – Lucy Wallington 2007-03-05